Normally when I travel there comes a point at which I begin looking forward to returning home. It’s that moment when the excitement has worn off and is replaced by a longing for the journey to end. I usually cross the tipping point after the fifth day but on this trip I can’t think of anything else but how I wish I had another 10, 20 or even 30 days to explore and experience Thailand.
Of course Thailand isn’t for everybody and to be honest I didn’t think that I would be taken in by much more than the diving. First off, it’s hot! In May temperatures average 95 F during the day with 83% humidity. You’ll sweat through two or more sets of clothes per day easily. But even that was bearable. Second, in places like Bangkok, it reeks. I mean it really, really stinks. As you leave the airport terminal in Bangkok you are hit by a wall of stench that I can only describe as a mixture of rotting garbage and B.O. But you get used to it. Third, in the cities it’s loud and chaotic. In fact you may even mistake it for anarchy especially not knowing the language or having any experience in South East Asian (SEA) culture. But you begin to realize that there’s a pattern, a set of rules, if you pay close enough attention.
What makes everything bearable is the people. Thailand is nicknamed the “Land of Smiles” (LOS for short) and unlike most tourism industry generated nicknames, the Thai people actually live up to the reputation. Everywhere you go you are greeted with a smile. Walk into any establishment and every employee will nod and smile at you as soon as you make eye contact. At many hotels and restaurants you may even get a full “wai” which is the traditional Thai greeting where both hands are clasped together like in prayer accompanied by a bow at the waist.
Like many cultures you can learn much about it by words commonly used in the language. Just as it’s been noted that the Eskimo have many words to describe snow, the Thai people speak about emotions as being states of the heart. For instance, one is said to have a “cool heart” (jai yen) if they are easy going or a “spoil heart” (sia jai) if they are sorry. In fact, the word “jai,” which means heart, is one of the most frequently used words in the language and is employed in literally hundreds of phrases to describe various emotional states.
Another interesting aspect of the Thai culture is the concept of “saving face.” Not in the Latin macho sense but as in the desire to protect others from “losing face.” Much is done to help others to save face and great pains are taken in order to avoid conflict. It’s an amazing quality to see in action.
As I mentioned, Thailand isn’t for everybody. Travel to Thailand is still somewhat considered adventure travel. Although much better off than her immediate neighbors Thailand is still third world outside the major cities. One can still enjoy all of the comforts of four and five star hotels but only behind gated walls intended to keep the rest of the city out. Tap water in even the best hotels isn’t drinkable and one only has to travel outside the gated hotel and business compounds to see a nation in which most people suffer from poverty. But even in that poverty it is a testament to the Thai people that one still feels safe there. There are pickpockets and scams and tourist traps but I don’t think I ever felt at risk of any sort of violent crime. Believe me, I’ve taken some wrong turns in places like Turkey, Mexico, the Bahamas, and even in cities like London and Paris where I wasn’t so sure I was going to see the other end of the alley without some harm coming to me. But in Bangkok and Phuket it was not uncommon to walk down darkened side streets, late at night and not feel even the slightest bit of apprehension.
My introduction to all of this began with an 18-hour journey that began in Los Angeles and with a short stop in Tokyo before landing in Bangkok. We had with us 12 men and 1 woman and were paired up with another dive group with the same exact itinerary comprised of roughly 5 women and 4 men. We arrived at nearly midnight and by the time we cleared immigration and checked into The Montien Surawong it was close to 2am. Our hotel was directly across the street from Patpong Plaza, which has some of the most infamous nightlife in all of Bangkok and perhaps even the world. Several of us decided to venture out into the wilds of Patpong but discovered that the Thai police had recently been enforcing the 2am closing time for bars and as it was 1:55 which left just about time for one beer before we were shown the door. Of course in Bangkok you can find anything at any hour if you look hard enough so we found an “unofficial tourism guide” who lead us down several dark streets and around some corners to a “go-go bar.” At this late hour most of the go-go had already gone but that was fine as we were mostly just looking for a place to have a few beers and unwind from a long journey.
The next morning the tour group arranging our transport took everyone on a tour of the city and to the temples. A few others and myself skipped the guided tour and scouted out the city on our own. Along the way we learned many valuable lessons such as never ask a tuk-tuk driver to take you to the shopping district. They get paid a commission from the gem stores and suit tailors they deliver you to so it doesn’t take a lot of imagination to guess where they continue to take you even when you firmly insist you are not looking to buy any gems or have any suits tailored.
After an unsuccessful attempt to find the local shopping areas we settled on a traditional Thai massage. This is like heaven on earth. For approx. $10 USD per hour you get pulled and stretched in so many different ways that you feel like jelly walking out. Unlike the more common massages available in the US the girls hop up on the table so they can lock you into various positions. For instance in one the girl gets behind you while you are sitting up on the table. She places both her feet in the center of your back and pulls your arms out and back as she pushes her feet into your back resulting in a lot of popping and snapping sounds along with an amazing release of tension.
We met up with the rest of our group at the airport where we flew down to Phuket. Phuket is the largest Thai island and the major area of operations for diving in the Andaman Sea. We checked into the Patong Resort on Patong Beach and cleaned up before venturing out for dinner. As the time change and jet lag began setting in and diving planned for 8am the next day we called it an early evening.
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Our first day out was to Racha Yai an island off the coast of Phuket. We did two nice dives. I wouldn’t say they were spectacular. Visibility could have been a lot better but they were both nice little reefs and a nice, easy way to get things going. Water temps were about 86 - 88 degrees which is almost boiling compared to the 54 - 68 range in Southern California waters. No wetsuits; just a pair of shorts and a rash guard were enough. On the second dive we ran into a very dangerous but very timid banded sea snake. Unfortunately my underwater housing fogged up on the dive so I was unable to get any shots.
That night we hit Bangala Road, which is where all of Patong’s nightlife exists. It was somewhat slow but we still had a good time barhopping and checking out the different clubs.
Our second day of diving started off with the King Cruiser a ferry that had sunk short of Ko Pi Pi (where the Leonardo DiCaprio film “The Beach” was filmed). Again, visibility left something to be desired but the life on the wreck was amazing. Right out of the gate we descended onto the deck of the boat and as I went to sail over the railing to the lower deck I began to reach out to brace myself in the current and there sat four lionfish. Amazingly beautiful animals but with poisonous spines which could seriously ruin your day if you accidentally reach over a railing to steady yourself in a current and happen to put your hands smack on the dorsal.
Our second dive of the day was on a reef off of Ko Pi Pi. I had shot video on the wreck and was shooting stills on this dive. I don’t think the three of us who buddied up went more than 50 yards from the anchor line. There was so much to see we didn’t need to. It was amazing. I’ve always admired the photos of many of the professional underwater photographers of the clown fish playing in the anemone so when I saw the opportunity I was all over it. Now I have an even greater respect for the pro photographers. Those damn fish won’t stay still and with a digital camera there’s a 1 - 2 second delay between when you hit the shutter and when the image is recorded. In that time the fish have moved out of the shot so you have to follow them and hope the auto-focus keeps up. I took a ton of shots and I’m still not sure there are any I’m really happy with.
That afternoon we headed out for massages at the local place Christin’s right up the road from the hotel. After a massage and dinner we split up into smaller groups and we ended up finding out that us farong (Westerners) can’t hold a candle to some of the Thais at their favorite games. First we got spanked playing this game where you drive a nail about a quarter of the way into a section of log and then drive it in the rest of the way, one turn at a time, using the small end of a modified ballpien hammer (modified to make the small end even smaller). Not only did this dainty little Thai girl beat us the first round but she won a second round (accompanied by lots of giggling from her friends) letting us still use the half-driven nails from the first round. Later we made our way over to an off the main drag street of bars someone in our group had stumbled across the night before where we proceeded to get our butts kicked by the bar girls in Connect Four and some other Thai dice game. Feeling completely deflated we opted for some spectator sports action of watching some soccer. Actually, I’m not a big fan of soccer but one of our group mates was and there’s a bizarre quality to walking into an all-Thai sports bar and hanging with the local crowd who stay away from the farang clubs.
Next morning we dove a couple of new spots at Racha Yai again. Shot video on the first dive and stills on the second again. A lot of the same marine life as the first Racha Yai dives and very similar conditions.
For dinner we went to a little sushi place way up the road. It’s a very beautiful restaurant with a spectacular view of the beach made even more exciting by the thunderstorm that was coming through and lighting up the night sky.
On the way to the main road to catch a cab to the restaurant I began my campaign to become mayor of Phuket. Ben a strong young man from the UK accepted a 1000 baht bet from someone in the group that he could not carry me the length of the alley to the main road (about 150 yards but I’ve already heard some in the group calling two or three football fields). So up on his shoulders I went and as my stead carried me past the massage parlors and other businesses with girls staged outside attempting to lure in customers, I decided right then and there I was going to run for mayor. I waved to the girls, made campaign promises and they loved it (they probably had no clue whatsoever of what I was saying). For the rest of the trip whenever a street vendor or bar girl started shouting for me to come look at their wares or come into their bar I walked right up shook their hand and told them I was running for mayor and was hoping I could count on their vote. I threw in some “a chicken in every pot” and “I’m running on the issues” blabber and I went from prey to predator in the game called walking the streets of Thailand. While it may sound crazy there was a method to my madness. Instead of chasing you down the street after you’ve said “No!” ten or more times as is normal they were left so bewildered most didn’t know what to do. Some would laugh (mostly the women) and some would look at me like I was crazy (mostly the men, especially when I asked if they had any babies that I could kiss), but it was pretty damn effective at what it set out to do.
After dinner a group of us made our way back to the scene of my Connect Four defeats (I’m thinking of officially calling this place Jenny’s Place since Jenny was the owner and I can’t remember the real name of it . . . if it even had a name) and I proceeded to add insult to my own injury by playing for money. A thousand baht lost to one girl and beaten once more for good measure for free by another I quickly decided that I was going to stick to things I knew I had the advantage on like drinking beer and speaking English. Though after a few beers I wouldn’t put any money down on myself winning any English speaking contests either.
The next morning we dove Racha Noi which is the sister island of Racha Yai. I’m not going to say these dives sucked but I’ve seen better. First dive was an against the current dive across a rock formation. Now don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against rock formations but we have them in California so flying half way around the world to see more rock formations wasn’t exactly what I was yearning for. We ended up amusing ourselves with this huge stingray that buried herself back into a small opening in the rocks. She was massive but she didn’t want to come out of there and I ran out of tape in the video camera so even if she did come out we couldn’t shoot her.
The second dive was less a dive and more of an endurance test. The plan was to be dropped off on one side of this bay and to swim across the shoreline to the opening to the bay where the boat would pick us up. Only problem is that the current was ripping so hard that it was like pushing a car uphill. My rule of thumb is that when the current is pumping so hard that you can feel the regulator hose flapping, the current’s too strong for a relaxing dive (unless you’re diving with the flow and not into the current).
That night we had dinner at the restaurant owned by our divemaster Sombat’s sister. The food was amazingly inexpensive (which is saying a lot since you can eat for next to nothing in Thailand) and quite good as well. Later we hit one of the go-go bars called Rock Hard but it wasn’t really happening so we went across the street to a disco called Star Wars. Everybody sort of split up in the club and I ended up running into some of the girls from Jenny’s Place (fortunately they didn’t have their Connect Four game with them). Somewhere along the lines I lost track of the rest of the group and so it was just me and the girls from Jenny’s.
The next morning I awoke a tad late and decided to skip the dives. Unfortunately, based on feedback from everyone else who went, they were the best of the trip. Leopard sharks, stingrays, yadda, yadda, yadda. Oh well. Instead I just hung out, tried to do some shopping and basically just enjoyed a lazy day off.
That night we hired a car and went over to Phuket Town to watch some local Thai kickboxing (Muay Thai) matches. What a surreal experience. Minus the guys betting chickens and goats in the corner it was just like something out of a bad Jean Claude Van Damme film (actually, that’s redundant since there’s no such thing as a good Jean Claude Van Damme film). There was wagering going on but unfortunately it was all in cash. One of the matches resulted in one guy going down hard. He was on his back long after the match was over and people were bracing his head and trying to give him first aid. On the opposite end of the spectrum one fight ended (with no winner) when one boxer disgraced himself by not putting up a good fight and he was banned from boxing in that arena again. Even his ring people turned their back on him and he left the arena alone.
What surprised me (if anything there could surprise me) was the children fighting. Kids, some no older than eight or ten years of age, going at it. Not that there’s much power behind any of those punches or kicks but there they were kicking and slugging away.
After the Thai kickboxing part of the group took off and me and another gent from the group went bar hopping with a couple of the gals from Jenny’s place. This was the first time I had seen things get ugly in Patong. Not real ugly but weird. Like coming down one of the streets and watching as a Thai girl and a Western guy carried a third Thai girl propped between their shoulders dragging her feet. She was passed-out drunk and they were helping her to a tuk-tuk to take her home. Phon one of girls from Jenny’s just shrugged and said “mau” (drunk). Soon after some Thai guy ripping down a pedestrian area on his moped almost mowed us down. A few steps later I see this tuk-tuk stopped and a Thai girl helping this drunk as a skunk farong out of the back. Of course this was all on one tiny side street so maybe that added to my perception of it being an ugly night.
On our last night in Phuket we started off with an Indian meal and then some more clubbing. We stopped off at the Aussie Bar, which is one of the places where on a previous evening one of the guys in our group almost lost his pants, literally. He had stopped off in there on another night and the girls at the bar invited him to come back and bartend with them. Then they introduced him to a game they like to play where they roll up some toilet paper and sneak up behind one of the other bartenders and insert it down the back of their pants before lighting it like a fuse. Let’s just say that after a couple of his own concoctions his ability to sense heat had diminished and his pants started to go up in flames. They put him out but not without some scorch marks.
I decided that I would declare my campaign victory this evening as the new mayor of Phuket. I bought a traditional Thai headdress (from the Chaing Mai region) from a street vendor and wore it as we toasted my victory. Only later, in the airport in Bangkok, would I be told that unmarried women normally wore that headdress. Fortunately, my Phuket constituents seemed very open to my unconventional ways and accepted me as their new leader.
As the evening wound down we went to Star Wars for some dancing and then at 2am when everything closed we headed over to this section of town where there were some restaurants still open to grab a bite to eat and for a few nightcaps. Perhaps that wasn’t the greatest idea because I awoke to a pounding on my door being told that the bus that was to take us to the airport was supposed to have left 5 minutes ago but they were waiting on me. I looked around the room at what I had to do to get ready, measured the throbbing in my head, and told them to go without me I would take a cab. Fortunately our trip planners had been overly cautious and I was able to take a shower, get my stuff together, and make it to the airport with a little time to spare.
Back in Bangkok at the Montien the plan was for a 4am wakeup call and then a 5am departure for the airport. Most of us agreed that sleeping would be futile and we were much better off just staying up all night and sleeping on the 18-hour trek home. We jumped the local train down to the Chatuchak shopping district (yes, this time we asked our travel guide not the tuk-tuk driver how to get there). According to the Lonely Planet guide there are 8672 stalls and over 200,000 people make their way through there each day. I don’t think there’s anything you can’t buy there. Live chickens? Yep. Fifteen foot albino boa constrictors? Yep. Clothes? Yep. Crafts? Yep. And on and on and on. But it’s all outdoors and it’s hot and 200,000 people milling around seems to make it seem all that much hotter. We spent a couple of hours there and passed on some deals that we would only later would find out represented about a 50% savings over the best negotiated price anyplace else.
Back at the hotel we stopped off at the place we had previously gotten our traditional Thai massage for a foot massage. At 250 baht (about $6 US) for an hour-long foot massage it’s a great deal. Afterwards I finished up my shopping, cleaned up and we all met in the lobby before heading out for dinner.
We had dinner at this way-way-way off the main strip place called the Mango Tree and it was beautiful. The place was amazing and the food was excellent. As we all began to toast our last night in Bangkok and toasting a soon-to-be-married member of the gang the owner brought in a bottle of champagne, on the house. The thunderstorms kicked up again and put on an amazing lightshow that we could see out the windows as we ate.
After dinner the group split up and we wound up catching a ride with the tuk-tuk drivers from hell to a bar that sits on the 61st floor of a hotel in the center of Bangkok. Unfortunately it was closed for remodeling but the restaurant bar on the 59th was open so we popped in there and had a couple of drinks overlooking the entire city.
Then it was back off to Patpong again where we stopped in at a bar and stayed until it was time to go back to the hotel and wait for the bus to transport us back to the airport for the return trip.
I will have to say that I did experience a bit of culture shock on my return to the US. While waiting for my luggage an airport employee was taking bags off the carousel and without even looking up demanded “You need to move.” What struck me was the fact that in those two seconds I had been treated more rudely than in the last 11 days combined.
Dive Operation: Marina Divers in Phuket Town. I have mixed reviews here. While I liked the DM Sombat I wasn’t really impressed with the operation as a whole. The dives seemed to be on their schedule with very little flexibility that didn’t include shelling out more cash. They run their trips like a train schedule. Monday’s they go to this site. Tuesday’s they go to another site. And since we were diving multiple days with them we ended up diving one site two different days simply because that was their schedule. But, on the other hand, they were very efficient. The bus was always on time and things ran smoothly for the most part.
I think Phuket’s diving operations may just be immature at this point. I don’t think we ran into any other divers while in Patong so it’s obviously not the main moneymaker there. Perhaps as more divers discover Thailand’s diving the local ops will become more like the ops in the Caribbean where the boats are fast and you can get in two dives and be back on the docks before 2pm. It really makes for a long day to be on a bus at 8am and not get back until 5 or 6pm.
Diving: I think I’ll skip the local dive spots on the next trip. The Similan Islands and the Burma Banks require a liveaboard to get to and I may opt for that as an alternative next go around.
Hotels: The Patong Resort was great. Nice rooms, a/c, convenient location, etc. The Montien in Bangkok was a very nice hotel. Uniformed and white-gloved doormen, courteous staff, and just a nice, nice place to stay. They are a little pricey though and they tend to gouge for things like water from the mini-bar (and since you can’t drink the tap water that kind of puts you in a desperate situation).
The Country: I love it. Next trip may have to be longer so I can dive and get out to see places like Chaing Mai and Issan in the North. Most of our stay was in either Bangkok or the resort town of Patong and though one would pass ox and elephants daily between Patong and Phuket Town it seemed like only a hint of what one might encounter if they trekked further away from the main tourist and business centers.
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